36 weeks. That's what I am at today. *Only* four weeks left to go. (Well, if I stay true to Salmen tradition, I will go over by two weeks and have a hefty baby.) I honestly never thought I would get to this point. It seems so surreal in a way. Even my doctor had to ask at my last appointment, "So, did you expect to make it this far?" Nope. Miscarriage is a very scary, very emotionally draining experience and it has colored everything I've gone through with this pregnancy. I kept expecting it to happen but it never did. And here I am, looking like I swallowed a beach ball, ready to have my baby anytime in the next six weeks. (I'm going with six so that I am not disappointed when the baby doesn't come early.)
It's really hitting me hard these days-in about a month, I am going to be a MOM. How did this happen? (That is a rhetorical question, not a literal one...) I had a dream a while back about losing my baby at someone's house and it got to me. I worry that I am not ready for this responsibility. I wonder what life will be like when it's not just Lanny and me, if I can handle the middle of the night feedings and crying, colicky fits and the teething and everything that goes along with raising kids. I can't keep my own head screwed on straight these days so am I going to do something dumb like leave my baby at home when I go to town? I know these are all questions built upon the typical first-time-mom anxieties, but I still worry. I know I won't forget my baby somewhere and that Lanny and I will somehow manage to raise this child despite the sleep deprivation and stress because other parents have done it before us. I know that I will find the fortitude to navigate the path of motherhood. I just can't get that darn dream out of my head.
4 comments:
Crossing my fingers for you, Jill. :) While I am not in your shoes, it does seem like a wild responsibility, huh? All the best and we will be awaiting good news.
I found you by blog surfing so I thought I'd pop on here and say "hi"....
I still have those dreams about leaving one of my kids somewhere- so before I pull out of the driveway or a parking lot I make sure I count heads (there's only 5 of them but....)
if i remember right, your inlaws have left a kid behind a time or two and they survived :) I can't say that i have yet but my time could come. i still have those kinds of dreams even after 3 kids. You and Lanny are going to make GREAT parents soon.. God has definitely blessed you!! God wouldn't give you more than you can handle!!
glad to hear everything is going good jill! good luck in the next couple of weeks! we'll see who has news first!
Post a Comment