Ounce of Prevention....

Well, I did it. I made it through that darn Detox Week. It was the hardest thing I have ever done but I did it and without eating that brownie. I lost a significant amount of weight and actually feel pretty good. Scratch that.... I feel bursting-at-the-buttons proud of myself for sticking with it and finishing that week. Now, I can eat but I am still on an extremely restricted diet that is gluten-, dairy-, sugar-, and red meat-free for the next month. I can add gluten and dairy partway through next week but the purpose of being on this diet like this is to see if I am gluten-intolerant and what the dairy does. I have long suspected that I am lactose intolerant and this diet will hopefully confirm that. I am also hoping that I am not gluten intolerant as I am struggling to do without gluten products at present. I never realized how prevalent gluten is in our food. Even the organic and natural food section at the grocery store is chock full of items with gluten ingredients. Now, I am facing a long distance trip with a very limited food selection and I am not looking forward to it. Still, I keep telling myself that the result (a healthy body and healthy life) is worth the effort (this restrictive diet) and that it won't be much longer before I can start adding more foods. What also helps is knowing that my reactions are normal. How can one go from a diet such as the one I was eating to what I am on now and not balk at the thought of not eating a cheeseburger? It is a daily struggle to find ways to cook foods I am used to eating without using the 'avoid list' foods. (Ever try to make french toast without wheat bread or milk?) I know that most of my struggle is due to the fact that I am not being creative enough with the foods allowed to me nor have I actively embraced my new menu. I keep thinking in terms of 'a month from now' and what I will be allowed to eat then instead of what I can eat now. The other thing I keep reminding myself is that by doing this now and getting healthy, I am saving on those horrificly large hospital bills that would be the result of an unhealthy lifestyle later on. So an 'ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure" will hopefully work out in this case. So, now I am off to dream up a gluten and dairy free version of chicken pot pie.

Day 3

Well, it's Day 3 of Detox Week and so far I am surviving. But I REALLY REALLY want a brownie... All day I have been craving one. A nice big, ooey-gooey, fudgy, chunk of brownie fresh from the oven and smothered with a scoop of ice cream and chocolate sauce. Grrr.... I want that brownie.

Do I really want it though? Or do I just think I want it? I keep telling myself that I don't need that brownie to survive and that my broccoli tastes just fine even though my 'fat' side is telling me "Oh, yeah right...Like that's gonna work on me." This is the joy in being an emotional eater. Part of my diet plan, and most especially part of the reason for this week of detox dieting, is to learn to stay away from the comfort foods when I need comfort. I have to learn not to eat because I am emotionally dependent on food. I know that eventually I will get that brownie, only it will not be as big of a piece as I am currently dreaming of nor will it be covered with chocolate sauce and vanilla ice cream. That is the other part of my diet plan-learning moderation. One thing that I have learned in the past is that I need to fulfill that craving (albeit to a lesser degree) when it first hits or else I simply crave that item even more. Though I will have to put off this brownie craving for a bit longer, and I know that the craving may get far worse before it gets better, I am going to do it. I can't say that I will simply try to do it because then I set myself up for cheating. It's like I am giving myself a loophole and can later say, "Well, it's not like I didn't try. I really did try to keep away from that brownie but I have no willpower." If I state outloud that I am absolutely NOT going to make those brownies nor will I eat one, it reaffirms my decision to change my body, my health, and my life and I am more likely to follow that. If I say that I won't eat a brownie, then there isn't any wiggle room for me to use to convince myself that I really did try to stay away from the goodies. Simply writing it down in this post has helped me see that I want that brownie simply because it is something yummily unhealthy for me and tastes a heckuva lot better that the protein shakes I am drinking. So, even though I am still craving that darn brownie, I will hold off a bit longer. After all, I only have 4 more days of Detox Week to get through, right?

Lines in the Sand

I don't like the doctor's office. I don't like the dentist's office even more, but I really don't like the doctor's office right now. Why? It was the site of a rather shocking number....my weight. I went in for my annual girly exam and had to get weighed. Then I realized, standing on that scale, I have an entire extra person in me! I could lose 100 pounds and still not be under 100. It was eye-opening to say the least and I decided to do something about it. So along those lines, I recently started a diet/lifestyle change (FirstLine Therapy, if you would like to know) and I am struggling with it even though so far all I have done is fill out some paperwork, do some blood tests, and be on a very restrictive detox diet for two days. My bloodwork showed that I am heading down the pre-diabetes trail and that I am extremely low on Vitamin D. Since I hate needles and don't want to be poking myself everyday to test my blood sugar, I decided to commit to this program whole-heartedly (something that I didn't do until this afternoon). Well, it's Day 2 of Detox Week (what I named this week) and I am still sticking with it. Even though I am feeling like the stomach flu and a migraine are duking it out for control of my body and the shake powder I have to drink is so horribly bland that I can hardly stomach it, I am still sticking with it. And suprisingly, I am starting to feel a bit better. Tired and sick to my stomach perhaps, but a bit better nonetheless. And I am proud of that.

So what does this have to do with lines in the sand, you ask? Well, haven't you ever drawn a line on the ground and dared someone to cross it? Well, this diet is my line in the sand. I have drawn the line of health and I am daring myself to cross it. So far, my line is set at 5 pounds but my final line will not be there. I am just setting this as my initial starting point because it is a reasonable goal and I know I can do 5 pounds. It doesn't sound as daunting to say that one is going to lose 5 pounds as opposed to 50 pounds or the more lofty goal of 100. So my first line is 5. I hope to make that line move and will continue to work at it because I owe it to myself to get healthy. This line ecompasses more than just weight loss, though. I have to learn how not to rely on food for comfort (something I have done since childhood bullying erased my self-esteem), how to choose and prepare healthy foods, how to stick to a diet, how not to eat simply for something to do, and how to eat healthy portions. In a sense, I have to teach myself how to eat all over again. This, too, I am struggling with because I tend to clean my plate whether I am full or not and I usually chose the high fat/high everthing-else-that's-bad-in-food stuff over the healthier options because the bad stuff always tastes so good. But, I am sick and tired of being overweight and ashamed that I let myself get so heavy. I am sick and tired of not being able to keep up with my husband when we go on a walk, having to dress in baggy/saggy clothes to disguise the belly bulge and the 'wide load', and not feeling confident about myself. I am tired of the achey knees, shoulders, and back because of all of the extra weight that they are supporting. So I am taking baby steps but I am slowly moving towards that first line that I have drawn and, thus, slowly moving towards a healthier me. Here's to hoping I continue drawing those lines and crossing them! *Toasts with a large glass of water*