Lines in the Sand

I don't like the doctor's office. I don't like the dentist's office even more, but I really don't like the doctor's office right now. Why? It was the site of a rather shocking number....my weight. I went in for my annual girly exam and had to get weighed. Then I realized, standing on that scale, I have an entire extra person in me! I could lose 100 pounds and still not be under 100. It was eye-opening to say the least and I decided to do something about it. So along those lines, I recently started a diet/lifestyle change (FirstLine Therapy, if you would like to know) and I am struggling with it even though so far all I have done is fill out some paperwork, do some blood tests, and be on a very restrictive detox diet for two days. My bloodwork showed that I am heading down the pre-diabetes trail and that I am extremely low on Vitamin D. Since I hate needles and don't want to be poking myself everyday to test my blood sugar, I decided to commit to this program whole-heartedly (something that I didn't do until this afternoon). Well, it's Day 2 of Detox Week (what I named this week) and I am still sticking with it. Even though I am feeling like the stomach flu and a migraine are duking it out for control of my body and the shake powder I have to drink is so horribly bland that I can hardly stomach it, I am still sticking with it. And suprisingly, I am starting to feel a bit better. Tired and sick to my stomach perhaps, but a bit better nonetheless. And I am proud of that.

So what does this have to do with lines in the sand, you ask? Well, haven't you ever drawn a line on the ground and dared someone to cross it? Well, this diet is my line in the sand. I have drawn the line of health and I am daring myself to cross it. So far, my line is set at 5 pounds but my final line will not be there. I am just setting this as my initial starting point because it is a reasonable goal and I know I can do 5 pounds. It doesn't sound as daunting to say that one is going to lose 5 pounds as opposed to 50 pounds or the more lofty goal of 100. So my first line is 5. I hope to make that line move and will continue to work at it because I owe it to myself to get healthy. This line ecompasses more than just weight loss, though. I have to learn how not to rely on food for comfort (something I have done since childhood bullying erased my self-esteem), how to choose and prepare healthy foods, how to stick to a diet, how not to eat simply for something to do, and how to eat healthy portions. In a sense, I have to teach myself how to eat all over again. This, too, I am struggling with because I tend to clean my plate whether I am full or not and I usually chose the high fat/high everthing-else-that's-bad-in-food stuff over the healthier options because the bad stuff always tastes so good. But, I am sick and tired of being overweight and ashamed that I let myself get so heavy. I am sick and tired of not being able to keep up with my husband when we go on a walk, having to dress in baggy/saggy clothes to disguise the belly bulge and the 'wide load', and not feeling confident about myself. I am tired of the achey knees, shoulders, and back because of all of the extra weight that they are supporting. So I am taking baby steps but I am slowly moving towards that first line that I have drawn and, thus, slowly moving towards a healthier me. Here's to hoping I continue drawing those lines and crossing them! *Toasts with a large glass of water*